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School’s In!

In School Issues, Therapy by debbieconley

Come Monday, April 5th, many schools will be welcoming students back to in person learning. For many students this is the first time they have been back to their school since last year. For others, it is the first time back for 5 days a week of in person learning. Many kids are excited about this. They cannot wait to reconnect with friends and teachers. Their biggest complaint is having to actually wear clothes to school instead of their pajamas! For other kids, their feelings run the gamut from ambivalence to terror. In my practice with kids, some have told me they feel like they will be re-experiencing the first day of school all over again. Some are used to the smaller class sizes if they were participating in Hybrid …

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Reflections from a Mental Health Therapist on 2020

In Family by debbieconley

Much has been discussed about the toll this year has taken on all of us. The Latin phrase “annus horribilis”, translated “a horrible year” probably best sums it up. When the New Year’s Eve Ball dropped in Time Square on December 31st, ushering in a new decade, few of us envisioned the mess we find ourselves in. A New Year usually means New Year’s Resolutions of weight loss, or exercising more, going back to school and other such life changes. Surely, we did not anticipate “keeping our mask on” or “social distancing” as a New Year’s Resolution; and at that, ones we had to follow through on! The physical, emotional, spiritual and financial toll this pandemic has had on all of us cannot be underestimated. Certainly, some have suffered more …

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Covid-19 Resources for Families

In Resources by debbieconley

Quarantine is a crazy time! We’re going to be in our homes with our families for another month, but we’re doing it for the good of society. Until we can figure out a way to protect ourselves and our loved ones from this new disease, we have to take actions that change the normal flows of our lives. But what actions do we take to stay sane in this insane time? What should we do when our ‘normal lives’ aren’t normal? What if something major happens in our personal lives? I’ve made a list of websites that I found that are filled with resources specifically for dealing with life’s ups and downs during this Corona pandemic. They stretch from helping kids adjust to the new normal to the new school …

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Parenting During the Coronavirus Outbreak

In Family by debbieconley

The Coronavirus is causing stress, panic and uncertainty for many adults around the world. Think of how overwhelming this is for children. Kids thrive on routine, structure and predictability. We have anything but that right now. You only have to turn on any television station, view your social media headlines on your phone or walk into a grocery store to figure out we are in unchartered territory. School and all extra-curricular events are cancelled for all our kids and they are repeatedly being asked to wash their hands and not get too close to their friends. This is a lot for kids to deal with and especially difficult for kids who have underlying anxiety. The following are some ideas for parents and caregivers to help their kids during this uncertain …

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Anxiety in Children

In Anxiety by debbieconley

Anxiety in children is on the rise. According to The Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, there was a 20 percent increase in the diagnosis of anxiety in children between 2007 and 2012. Every day at my practice, I see kids who struggle with anxiety. Anxiety in children is associated with feelings of not being safe or protected. In his book, Modular Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Childhood Anxiety Disorders, Bruce E. Chorpita, PhD, discusses several factors that are present in children who have anxiety. Why all this increase in anxiety?  There are many factors that come into play.  We have an environment where kids worry about safety. Safety is a basic need of all human beings. We have kids hearing about and seeing mass shootings on an almost weekly basis …

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What Will Your Children Remember of the Holidays?

In Family by debbieconley

Another holiday season is here.  We are bombarded with marketing tactics to buy the latest gadget or search for the lowest price or sprint for the new “IT TOY” this season.  Holiday madness or Holiday gladness?  Which one will you choose? Memories are very powerful.  They are encoded in our brains and strongly influence our lives.  When our children look back on their childhood holiday memories, what do we want them to remember? Despite our efforts to get the perfect toy or video game, etc. for our children, most can’t even remember what it was that they received last year for the holidays. I remember years of taking so much time to send out holiday cards, get matching wrapping paper and bows and the latest decorations.  I HAD to make …

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And We’re Off!!!

In Schedules & Routines, School Issues by debbieconley

For many of us, school started today.  Some kids were already back last week.  This brings a myriad of emotions for both parents and kids, although vastly different ones to be sure!!  How can we make this year successful for our kids?  For the lucky ones, repeat what was done last year.  If it’s not broke, don’t fix it.  For some of us, we may have to tweak a few things.  For others, a complete overhaul may be needed. I have spent the last month in my practice helping kids and parents gear up for a successful school year.  I thought it would be helpful to share some things that can make a positive impact. There are many other suggestions that can make the school year a success.  There are always …

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Unfinished Stories

In Therapy by debbieconley

Given the tragic suicides of two celebrities this week, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I felt it necessary to address the topic of suicide. In my practice, I see many children who are depressed as well as many depressed parents. The statistics are sobering. Suicide is on the rise in all racial and ethnic groups, in both men and women, in rural and city areas. The increase is in all age groups except those over 75. Since 1999, the suicide rate is up 30 % according to the Center for disease Control and Prevention. Suicide is the second largest cause of death in college age youth and kids 12-18. The suicide rate among young children 10-14 years old doubled from 2007 to 2014, according to the CDC. What’s Going On? …

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Parental Expectations, Childhood Anxiety and Self Esteem: What is the Connection?

In Therapy by debbieconley

It seems to be that no matter what age children are, parental expectations come into play. When children are infants we expect them to sleep through the night at some point!  When they are around 1 years old, we expect them to begin to walk , later on toilet train and God forbid they are not reading by Kindergarten!  The list goes on and on.  Parental Expectations.  There is nothing wrong with them.  We expect our children to be polite, share, do homework, help around the house etc… What if these expectations are not developmentally appropriate?  What is the expectations are unrealistic?  What if they cause undue stress?  Sometimes as parents, we may not even know we are creating this stress.  Think back to your own childhood.  What expectations were …

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Helping Children Cope with Death

In Therapy by debbieconley

Recently, in the midst of this beautiful summer, there have been several families that have been coping with the loss of young family members. None of us live forever, but most of us expect to live a long life. When or if we have the opportunity to discuss death with our children, we usually say something like, “When people get old and their bodies don’t work well anymore, they die”. But what if this is not what happens? We are all thrown off kilter when life throws us a curve ball and doesn’t follow the normal sequence. It is difficult enough for adults to deal with the loss of a young person, but is more difficult for children. How do we deal with our own grief and help them as …